at the beginning

2006-02-24T06:31:00.001+08:00

oh no i realised i've been neglecting this blog for a while! so here's a quick entry. it's 6.34am now and i'm not going to school today. bad bad stomachache + fever. but i'm happy cause i'm missing bio, whee~ i don't understand how time passes so slowly when i try to while it away! just yesterday i was rushing to catch the 6.28am bus (which i missed in the end), but today i have the luxury of spending what-seems-more-than 25 minutes blogging.

i realised i brought this stupid stomachache on myself. cold chicken chop + cold milk + waffles = gg. sigh.

WUSHU + DANCE + TENNIS + SOCCER = fun! (:

2006-01-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

i think i filter my blog topics with a very stringent criteria, or maybe i am just senile. i was thinking for damn long about what to blog, then i realised OH YAH, i was at MAD auditions! haha.

yeah i was auditioning for music and dance today. breakdance and hip-hop. i didn't really want breakdance cause i KNOW breakdance kills noobs very very quickly. i happen to be a noob. okay lah. haha i'm kinda natural with the hip-hop moves in the dance, but the air-freezes really kick my ass. i can barely freeze for a second. and luckily i crash-coursed my handstand today. i've never known how to handstand all my life, until i realised they needed people who could handstand. =.= yeah i succeeded in doing it anyway. it's not that hard, thank god.

anyway i probably can't get in, cause quite ALOT of people breakdance outside. after breakdance i was able to audition for hip-hop yay! they made us learn 4 sets of 8 moves in 15 minutes, but luckily the moves are kinda easy to catch. except the senior demonstrating was almost totally obscured from my view. =.= i want to enter the hip-hop section!

anyway, cause the auditions ended so late, i totally missed wushu orientation. mm, i'm wondering what zhexi did during training... i heard some stuff haha. i hope lots and lots of people join wushu!

2006-01-09T19:18:00.000+08:00

YO PPL! it's been a long time since i've blogged! i'm in hcjc for those who don't know yet.

ORIENTATION IS FUN! maybe not the activities, but the people are fun. haha my OG is cool. alot alot of tchs people, it's freakin' crowded but yeah... no harm done. haha. because MY CLASS ROCKS! i don't know, but i just love my class. the people there are so fun! we've got peter, weilai, matt, jon (who pools AND bowls), carol and lydia. of course the entire class aint just seven people, but yeah there's loads more fun people. there's an evil stnicks girl called yuan shan whom i thought i didn't like at all. maybe she's just damn guailan or sth, but she turned out a fun person too. haha.

everyone's scattered into different classes now, like party streamers or sth. all gone in a moment. i can't really catch all the classes, but i know weiqi's in S7A, alex in S67, and zhexi's in... uh... damn. AH i know i like S70. zhixiong and ivan (=.=) are in there, but the class is very 'on'. too bad no wushu ppl in my class, i've only got some iSparkers eden and joseph, but they're fun too.

2005-12-15T23:42:00.000+08:00

alright i've been TAGGED.

rules:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
2. At the end, list the names of 5 people whom you want next to do this, and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED!" in their blog and tell them to read your blog for rules.

simple tag huh. so here's 5 things you should really know about me before you even see my face:

1. i'm left-handed so the world hates me ever since i started learning how to write. T_T (everything's freakin' built for right-handed bastards. oops.) but i relaise that my left hand is more dextrous while my right hand is stronger. so i suspect i may have a hidden talent up my (right) sleeve. i think i can train myself to be an ambidextrous superhuman one day. seriously.

2. i have very bad posture at the computer. if i had a webcam you'll see that i look like an ahbeng at my com. and i swear loudly when i get screwed in a game. the feeling totally sucks when you get owned hands down in any game. diablo2, dota, war3, CS.

3. i have a soft spot for girls. i'm already very careful with my emotions most of the time, but with girls i almost never lose my temper. i hide my anger or displeasure or anything when i can help it. it's the same with my closer friends. you might think that the closer one is to one's friends, the more open one becomes, but i'm the inverse. it's not very good...

4. sometimes when i'm bored i become aware of my passive expression. you know, the kind of expression you wear on your face when you're on the mrt, zoning out, looking at the sky, reading, the like. haha. i end up fidgeting alot and looking uncomfortable.

5. i think i distort my face too much. i used to make funny faces alot when i was younger, until this guy told me not to cuz my face "will stay there" if i do it too much. i didn't used to listen, but i'm kinda scared now. cause if you know me well, you should know also that i make alot of retarded faces when i joke around hahahahah. it makes people laugh, big deal!

i'll think about my tags.

2005-12-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i've blogged. ahhh. i've gotten a job at a chocolate factory! a decent chocolate factory. pay's not good, so i'll be working hard to earn my 800bucks at least. i was thinking of working into next year, but if i can take it maybe i'll skip JAE for it. i don't even know if i'm allowed to do that now.

anyway i worked till the weekend, and chionged thru sat and sun. feeling so freakin guilty after spending lah. 50 bucks gone pls. that's a chunk of my 3-day paycheck haha. i'm gonna buy myself proper shoes, cuz the adidas is seriously damn precious, i'll need it to train. can't wait to test it. i think a pair of sneaks and some nice shoelaces will do for my foot when i go out. the rest can go up to a new mp3. i'm getting shou hao's neon for 200-250bucks.

meanwhile, i've picked up ice-skating and kbox. haha alot of 'firsts' in a weekend. i can't comment on my own singing, but i think i can sing okay at least (for the songs i actually KNOW how to sing). and i can ice-skate!! hongxiang and ivan tipped me on the technique and i tried it. didn't fall except the times when some pros ji xiao me and cut me sharply from behind. freakin mean. i have a knack to slant my skates so i can't really close my legs proper when i skate.

2005-12-02T00:45:00.000+08:00

class dinner was AWESOME. everyone was there! the feeling was great, i mean... we're back after four years. i could tell myself: nothing's changed. almost. ivan and hongxiang and jiahao and yizhang weren't there. and other stuff from the past. T_T but other than that... i guess it rocked. i couldn't help but smile dazedly all the time there. it was THAT nice for me.

EDIT:

hahahs. weiting didn't come tooooo T_T. so many ppl didn't come.

2005-11-30T10:50:00.000+08:00

can't help but laugh with ya. haha. (:

looking forward to tomorrow! i wonder if i can see yizhang jiahao hongxiang ivan and more. and, HEROES 3 AT VINCE'S!!!

2005-11-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

alright, this is the real birthday now. no fakes. haha, big deal. thanks guys for the well wishes and the presents. i really appreciate those!

NEW WATCH! NEW SHOEZZZ! oh man, its like my wishlist come true. but i only have one wish, anyway. thanks again peopleeee!

didn't expect the westspring people to know my birthday too! thanks guys.

2005-11-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

amelia just wished me happy birthday? i don't know how to reply. well, i guess a sarcastic comment is ruled out. i just said thanks. hahaha. wanyi don't laugh.

sigh so long since i went to training. damn it.

2005-11-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

sigh, everything seems to all apart again. i just need like, something to piece my life together. something. i pray for it. the thing that i want. not even going out satisfies me. some people are just so bullshit at times. maybe it's just me.

2005-11-20T00:45:00.000+08:00

haha wow. i'm so sick of mum pretending that she's not the one killing the house. she's too modest. dad ain't that great. come on, give yourself some credit mum.

ME: ma, you know you have depression.
MUM: i know that. i'm fine now. go away and let me rest.

right. and you refuse to take medicine. and you blame any shit that you feel, or you THINK you feel, on sis and me. or dad. way to go. right. according to you, i'm being used by dad for some nefarious plot. right. fucking morons. note the plural.

2005-11-19T05:00:00.000+08:00

stupid. everyone said they wanted to DOTA through till daybreak. and all that's left are silve and i. alone in combat. but victorious haha. ((:

time to sleep abit. until.... 10am? (:

2005-11-17T20:34:00.000+08:00

i'm downloading SKY HIGH. it's due in 2 hours, if it continues to be at 50kbps. wahahahahahahha. i just hope that it's the right movie, and that the resolution doesn't kill my eyes. plsplsplspls.

ok, now for tony jaa. damn i didn't know orchard flouted NC16 rules like nobody's business too.

2005-11-15T19:49:00.000+08:00

men.

yes, men, glorious in your valour, your unwavering perseverance to battle the dreaded A'LEVELS. don't falter in your charge to greatness. let no blood of failure taint you. any bloodshed is shed in the name of glory! AYE! GLORY TO THE SCOURGE!

in order to sustain you men for the heat of the battle ahead, i shall show you the strength of perseverance. yes, perseverance can take you to great places, places of statuture, places of influence, and above all, places of great reward. --I-- had perseverance, and look where it landed me to? MY VERY OWN 1950 SIGNBOARD, WONG-FEI-HONG STYLE. WOOT.

2005-11-15T08:57:00.000+08:00

wah kor. i've to stay home to eat, but my mum alws cooks stuff that gives me stomachaches. howhow? don't stay home eat she'll be angry, stay home eat i can die one day.

no offence to her cooking, her culinary skills are by far the best i've seen. <3

2005-11-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

woah, going home at 12am has its good points. i saw the other CG in my block. the one who lives at the sixth floor. she's so pretty can. and she's so bubbly can. and she looks my age can. i think i just got myself another goal in life.

crap asides, thanks kathy. thanks a whole lot.

2005-11-08T19:18:00.000+08:00

I SWEAR THAT TAN SIU CHING HAS SOMETHING AGAINST ME.

today was the last festive drums performance we had, and everything was going fine, until...

*this is a translation and may not be accurate

TANSIUCHING: toh key boon! your hair is too long. you're standing in front. come!
(she whips out a pair of SCISSORS (WHAT THE ****) and beckons to me impatiently)
ME: ...
(left with no other choice, i walk forward reluctantly)
TANSIUCHING: aiyo... hair so long. want to die ah. later the guest-of-honour see you and have a bad impression of our school.
LIMCC: ms tan, you might as well put a bowl on top and cut it?
(LIMCC grins freakin evilly, and he sounds serious enough. what the hell)
ME: ........... huh don't want la.
(obviously, my pleas and protests are ignored)
...

she gingerly cuts my fringe off, BOWL-CUT style, in front of everyone performing, my classmates, zhengxun, vince, shaun, etc. i only have one thought racing through my mind. WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF. so i was left with a totally straight fringe that looked like BULLCRAP, and i had to hide my face for the rest of the day. until i had it cut later. OWNED.

2005-11-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

awww! this is sweet.

He left me. I don't blame him.

2005-10-30T01:12:00.000+08:00

what the hell? i was on the bus this morning, and i gave my seat for this poor old man. in the space of the two seconds which the old man took to reject my offer, this idiot crept in from behind to take the seat. scurrying like a rat. uh huh. bastard.

i was studying with zhengxun, and shit there's nothing to do with the o'levels looming around. DON'T WATCH ZORRO, IF YOU VALUE YOUR SEVEN BUCKS.

and i think zhengxun needs clean his cushies? i was sleeping on his living room couch, and my head got very very scratchy after that. that stupid kid. must be the cushions.

peace to all who are taking the o'levels. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE FINAL LAP.

2005-10-29T00:35:00.000+08:00

shit, i keep dreaming of DOTA. even when i don't play it. ooh man.

alfred once told me about his chain of dreams. i never knew anyone could like... dream of different stuff in one night! like crazy la. you know what's my dream dream? (-.--- clumsy) it's a dream of me as a shinigami. haha. i'll release my soulslayer and whack the ass out of ichimaru and become THE most popular shinigami. or i'll be captain of 6th squad. (:

2005-10-24T17:41:00.000+08:00

this is so NOT funny.

i realised that i missed out on my bio and phy scores. but the good news is that, i've got like (77-80)% for both of them. so that makes it a triple-science A1. and math was cool. as expected, i managed did 89% for paper 1 and 79% for paper 2 without mugging. lucky ass. what is less lucky, is that i got 67% for chinese paper 1 and another 57% for paper 2, so yeah. a B4 in the end, so no mugging leads you to a sticky end.

today just sucked. i shoulda stayed at the street court.

2005-10-23T15:11:00.000+08:00

You scored as Outgoing. You outgoing and you have a very friendly personality.

Outgoing

81%

Fun

69%

Nice

63%

Immature

44%

Dramatic

38%

Shy

31%

mean

what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?)
created with QuizFarm.com

2005-10-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

oh yeah! EXAMS ARE OVER!

and, i scored a low A1 for chem. -.-

and, i'm still down with fever, curse it.

and, i went out with hee zhengxun on thursday. we watched into the blue. JESSICA ALBA <3 i think it wasn't bad at all, cause the plot was decently laid out. and with expert advice from zhengxun, understanding brother of heesuhui and wiseman, i bought heesuhui her present.

and, of course, the next day (friday), with my head on fire, i went to zhengxun's place to celebrate his sis' birthday. coolness, i owned mahjong. ( 4:1 major victory. shin threw all 4 tiles that won me my games) and, bae yong 'L' taught me some cartwheeling stuff. and i didn't sleep.

and, this leads us to today. i sneaked off without thanking zhengxun nor his mum (damn), and went home seeking my comfy bed. goodness knows that the fan in my room aint fixed, so i woke up at 1321hrs almost boiled, and gwen called for a hang-out. so we did. and it got karen her present! thank god i didn't have to blow 50bucks on it. and, i met zhengxun and gang at cine (WTFFF). i first noticed heesuhui, and i was like, HUH WTFF (as read from the distortions on my face), and then there was zhengxun who was actually taller and more noticeable. and so we were whacking each other's stomach repeatedly, without saying anything. i guess all of us were too shocked. haha.

and i'm broke. i'm living on hongbao money, literally. damn this. i BET zhengxun and co. went for a movie or sth. DAMN this.

2005-10-17T14:01:00.000+08:00

You are Franklin!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-10-15T16:29:00.000+08:00

http://www.ubersite.com/m/76970

mm. interesting read on 'religion', but mind the language and content. >.< uh, i don't think the author was simply finger-pointing any religion in particular. all the same, he's right to a large degree, i daresay!

yeah, i don't see a point in bushwhacking people because a religion asserted it, or because they didn't belong to the same camp. well, from what i see, alot of people do it, not just the fundamentalists.

*hint* have you ever been stalked by someone who was trying to convert you? T_T */hint*

2005-10-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

i hope i was alright for the exams!

dreamt of silly things. (:

i can't remember much, i remember being famous and successful. lifestyle of the rich and famous! (good charlotte)

2005-10-10T13:33:00.000+08:00

physics :( i died. i think it was the lack of sleep + lack of prep.

taped my shoe shut. don't have to wear bulky shoes anymore!

2005-10-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

english. OWNED. we'll see who owned who. (most probably... paper > me)

time to start physics revision. it's next monday. ):

2005-09-30T21:06:00.000+08:00

today, something amazing happened... again. my shoe started talking to me. it hasn't been talking to me for the past three months, so it figured that i would feel lonely. so it started talking to me about how evil i was to have been dragging my feet all over the place, so that its belly was wiped clean out. it told me not to wriggle my toes, cause it was ticklish or something. after that, it started to remind me kindly that my socks had holes in 'em sometimes. (it became nastier after that) then it told me to wash my 'freaking dirty feet' so that it didn't have to stink so much. (heh. lol) then it added that, as a revenge, it decided to flood my feet everytime it rained, so that i could catch a cold and slip and fall and stuff. that was when i dumped my shoes. (:

GOODBYEEE DIESEL. you would have done better to keep your mouth shut! you're only 25 bucks, after all, and that's not a very affluent enough for a shoe. sigh, right now i'm wearing my sports shoe. it's trusty aasics, but what the hell man, sports shoes look like blocks of concrete on the pair of hci trousers. i want a flatsole backkk. T_T

2005-09-29T22:09:00.000+08:00

i tell you, blogging can be such a pain in the ass. i really don't know why people blog at all to start with. you air your dirty linen for all to see, and risk getting owned by A*Star, and start feeling like you're shouting at the wall, and inevitably, you'll start talk to the wall, then to yourself, then you'll start punching the wall, then you start punching yourself instead, after which if you're lucky you'll commit suicide right away, if not you'll kill your friends, your girlfriend, and the person who happens to be sitting next to you in the bus on your way to pungol jetty, THEN you'll take the jump.

so please don't blog.

today was hilarious. our assembly constituted listening to 40 minutes' worth of w.t.f accented broken english from our principal, ang wei xiong. it's amazing how he ever became the principal of hcjc before this. add this to the list of MOE's gravest mistakes. wait, what if i get busted by some MOE dude-who-screens-students-blogs? shhh. anyway, to give him credit, there was about five to ten minutes of good advice in it. i think i'll have to start putting conscientious effort into my studies, so as to avoid this kinda screwed situation, where i might as well be thinking of the courses i should take in poly.

i pray for the coming of the weekend, so that i can catch up with my revision. i haven't been revising for a week. damn the assignments and crap. grr.

2005-09-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

these two days have been so messy. i went to zhengxun's house yesterday and stole his entire collection of erotic poetry! kidding, but he did lend me his personal collection of poems. saved my ass, so i could crop some english ACE points. in return, i compensated by working to 3.30am yesterday tearing my hair out from doing alevel math questions. so that i could somehow be of help to zhengxun.

today was a bummer though, i reckon i wasted half a day. the other half i wrote a 4 page article on zhengxun's poetry, (citing three poems) and man, zhengxun rocks.his poems are at least three layers deep, ha. somehow, my interpretation of his poems dont really concur with his own, which shows how multi-faceted they are.

i've decided that malays dudes are generally jokers (heh..), but very friendly, so as long as you don't have a stuck-up attitude, you'll enjoy their company. lucky i didn't eat breakfast, i donated 2bucks to some financial assistance org just now. xD

2005-09-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

zzz, my mum's killing me. ):

cinderella man!! <3 i know i'm stupid, but i went movie-ing this evening, before the entire day was wasted! cinderella man!!~~ <3 russel crowe rocks man. so does mr. and mrs. braddock! all that story about them having to bear with so much suffering, it's really quite moving. there was one scene which was very very sad, when jimmy had to go back to that 'high society' crowd to beg for money just to pay off his debts, so that he could get the heat and electricity in his home to tide the winter over. ):

there's this indian guy whom i always see when i walk past the zhu chao stall at the coffeeshop down khatib mrt. he's really good la, he can speak cantonese like nobody's business, plus i just got to know that hes a jovial guy. (: he was asking me how to say "giving birth" in chinese, which i told him was 'sheng yu'. another chinese dude who overheard me was sniggering, so i don't know how correct that was. :/ what the hell man, my chinese sucks. T_T anyway, the point is, when i think of these kinda people whom i come across, i'll always want to say 'FUCK YOU' to all racists i know of. including, or especially, shou hao... luckily he doesn't read my blog, lol. hoho. xD

i'm gonna be killed, there's 65% chance of me being oblivated by tomorrow. help me, helppp!

2005-09-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

hectic day today. 2 hours of math lessons, plusplus. i've finished the sec.4 syllabus for bio! i reckon i can do without math revision (yeah, i'm serious) so i'll just try my luck at physics and chem.

i went to zhengxun's house today! ^^ we mugged, and ate, simply. the whole process took about 3 hours. i'm glad that he'd invited me over, cause i really feel loads better now. but most of all, i don't know how to say this, but despite me not being in his band, nor in the bunch that plays soccer with him, he's been holding on to our friendship. i'm really glad that he did, and i'll treasure this one for as long as it can last.

at the times when i'm down, i'll remember friends, like him and others, and draw strength from them. i'll hope that they can pick me up, just like i will for them.

2005-09-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

i'm getting bumped around a little bit, but geez, i should really stop playing around with my self-sympathy. my teacher called me to ask me what the heck happened. the bottomline is, i'm disgusted by the fact that most people can have parents who ACTUALLY take care of them, yes i'm talking about the basic needs, and well, exams ARE coming, i'm trying my best to prep for it, and all they can do it to screw it all up for me. why is it that shit like this is timed so well to risk fucking up my grades? mmm. mystery unsolved. nonetheless, i'll just kill everyone in the exams anyway. i'm going to win this.

i've just dreamt of something weird. i was at the seaside, there was this stretch of beach where i was sitting on, and there was this indian woman and her children. the woman was unhappy and was reprimanding her kids. she told them to stop playing around, and get serious about studying, or something. i was just watching all of this, until another guy came along, but i've forgotten how he looked like, or what he was doing. i suddenly found myself talking to that same indian woman. she asked me if i believed in karma. i said yes. she talked to me, about stuff i can't remember, and then she told me that i HAVE to do well. something like that. i can't remember. all i know is that, that dream was pretty interesting, less stupid than the others, but i just can't remember it. damn.

2005-09-16T19:49:00.000+08:00

lost my phone.

2005-09-15T21:52:00.000+08:00

humph. chire, sen bonzakura! <<3

by the way, if you didn't know, a deviation from feminism that calls for more rights for women and stuff, would be the concept of appreciating and regarding women with a unique identity of their own, and respecting them as 'women' rather than compare the identity and rights of 'women' with respect to men. instead of saying, "treat us like men" (by that i mean giving equal rights as deserved by men), some feminists say, "treat us like women" (meaning, respect our unique/separate identity as females and give us our own rights). something like that. this should be applied to racial treatment too.

anyway school was great, i've just gotten back my results. they were crap. 2.45. i've been killed by zhengxun. i can't believe it, but he owned me. T_T meanwhile, other reasons have compelled me to try to demolish concrete with my fists. i am displeased, to say the least. haha.

check this out. if you don't know already, expect an IPOD NANO to come out soon!! it's seriously cool, with all that minisize and improved attributes, but THIS article just made me really wanna get my hands on it. check it out!

2005-09-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

souten ni saze, hyorinmaru...!

BLEACH <<<3 if they could test me on the names of the soulslayers instead of the periodic table it'd be so much easier! T_T

anyway it's not as though we really learn much in all the lessons we sit in. for english, we're actually still rambling on random concepts about art, not to mention that our english teacher is actually 1 month old in this school. either they overestimate GEPers or they really want to kill us. we've been doing alot on social culture too. racism, especially. honestly, i don't really get the hoooo-ha on differing treatment on races. everyone is campaigning for equal treatment of races, and there's always an undying cases of complaints that point out that virtually every single policy has a racist edge to it. i may be exaggerating, but oh well. one being of a minority race doesn't mean one has to deserve privileges. a lion doesn't spare a deer cause it's supposed to be endangered. and really, by demanding special treatment, it is tantamount to claiming that your race is special, look it the way modern feminists look it. don't compare your race with another but rather, promote your own uniqueness and your identity over other races.

if there's one thing i can agree on, it's that racial abuse is totally uncalled for. it's like infringing basic rights. hell no, i don't support racism, unlike what most people would think about tchs guys. and i'll say, most of my friends don't. except for some, coughcough. i won't say who. xD

anyway, i've been dreaming alot of weird stuff. for one, i'd dreamt of zhanpei. =.= and actually it's quite a good dream ha. i wonder if i'll get any tonight. why do girls (whom you don't know) like to giggle behind your back? what the heck does that mean when they do that? weird.

2005-09-12T19:37:00.000+08:00

YAY i feel much much better now! at least i know for sure that i'm getting a -5% for my final year chem grade. so, uh i'll have to work with how to treasure the remaining 95% of my chem grade. oh well, exams here i come! :/

i've been mugging almost daily at woodlands library. funny stuff i see all the time. there're alot of girls there who ALMOST make it as CG, except they lack the distinctive CG quality in their behaviour/smile/eyes/aura/SPIRITFORCE. i see this couple who's there every single day, and i don't know what for. (maybe they're JC2 students) anyway i've gotten very tired of looking at pretty girls. mind you, they're just pretty because they doll up and wear the coolcool town clothes to the library. still, they really add to the decor anyway. ^^ (i sound evil!)

anyway, speaking of JC2 students, i realised that i haven't wished them all the best yet. they're probably panicking/studying/praying/meditating/makingpotions/makingvoodoodolls/cursingatthewall/stoningatatextbook/makingawish/stuffingfood/pettingtheircats/takingawalk/talkingonthephone/shockedtohavemissedachapter/sleeping. it's a pretty long list, and it's not exhaustive, so if you were actually doing something else, please tag it and i'll add it some other day.

anyway, good luck to prelim-ers:

glen
joseph
jiayong
jonah
bj (i almost forgot that it's actually bingjun)
lan
kelvin
bai
yuet
mingfai
yichao

and, yeah. remember to tell me if you were actually doing any of the things not listed above. if you were petting a dog then it's actually alright. anyway i've just met a friend i've lost contact of since pri2! on friendster, actually. holy shit. (:

2005-09-09T13:16:00.000+08:00

i'm studying at home for once. i don't like to, because there's really too many distractions. everything's peaceful at home, for once, unless you count in jac and tung at my place.

and well, i was also reading The BFG! actually, re-reading. it gets more fun the more i read it ha. i realised that roald dahl actually put some serious thinking issues into the book. i didn't catch it when i first read it. >.< well, i was seven or eight then i guess. which reminds me, i was pretty slow to pick up reading. i was in one of the better classes in northland, where everyone was decently studious, but i don't really remember reading much. mm.

one thing that's very interesting in The BFG -- most of the stuff happened in the space of a day. more or less. sophie and the BFG met, became best friends, plotted against the other giants and met the queen in one day. i'm thinking about whether this kind of friendship is possible in real life. i mean, best friends in one day? mm. it sounds absurd, but i imagine that if i spend 24 hours in the company of one friend, i guess it would mean quite alot. for one, i don't think i've spent more than 24 hours in physical presence of alot of those i call friends. and, 24 hours isn't even alot. it's hell little. makes me wonder about how the term 'friend' means to me. does it strike anything to you?

2005-09-06T12:57:00.000+08:00

oh man, i'm slacking at home! when i'm supposed to be mugging chinese, as planned! actually it's not so bad, because i finish an entire year's work in roughly... four hours? so today i've decided to be less geeky/nerdy/loseristic and pamper myself abit. i have decided to go the library at 6pm instead, and mug until the library closes. -.---- sheesh. what a nice holiday.

do you zone out alot? i try not to, but it's becoming a habit. ._. it's that kinda feeling when your vision goes all sticky -- it sticks to whatever spot you're looking at, and it just sticks there. and you don't really look anywhere else. and the longer you stare at that spot, the more lazy you get and after some time you really don't want to do anything but just stare at that spot. (you start to ignore your aching and watery eyes) i see that's pretty common eh? (:

but have you tried zoning out on a BUS! the same thing happens, except that this time, everything's moving, and i can't really find a comfortable spot to stare at for long. >.< so your eyes stick to random objects on the road or in the streets, and shifts just when that particular object disappears from your line of sight. this kinda happens rapidly in the span of a few seconds, so it's like dragging my eyes off objects so that they don't stick to one spot. that kinda feeling stinks, it's something like, pleasantly zoning out for a few seconds, only to snap out of it, and then to start zoning out all over again. it's especially bad when i'm looking at a monotonous background, like a grassy field or something. sigh.

and, zoning out is probably one of the more fun things i'm doing this summer, i guess. :/

2005-09-03T22:06:00.000+08:00

haha i didn't do anything productive today! ._. (except for watching the sg/mas text exchange) it was fun! loads of provocation. it's time for my literary faculties to awaken. ahh.

it was alot of satirical allegories and allusions to politics as usual, but it was really quite cool. (: quotes: 'the chinese do the work... malays take the credit... and indians take the blame' sounds something along the lines of russell peters, huh?

and i've just found out that i've been left in the lurch! apparently, even zhengxun has been mugging without telling me. mmm, he suddenly comes up with a 1.88 msg. omfg. that reminds me of MY pathetic msg... wait, i don't know my msg yet. :/

2005-09-02T20:20:00.000+08:00

i'm uh, playing runescape now! x.x i've to earn back all the stuff i'd given to jiachuan! T_T so right now i'm mining and fishing for it. actually i'd alread earned enough, but i was scammed!!! argh inferior knowledge of the trade economy OWNS. ):

oh well, i'm mining again. -picks up pickaxe- off i go then...

2005-08-31T22:11:00.000+08:00

today was quite... boring! >.< sorry! i didn't go back to northland, and had my retribution. T_T (read on!)

uh, junhong and libin brought zhexi and i all around bukit gombak T_T i was drowning in my perspiration! x.x but we did manage to bowl after all! x.x haha. it was only okay. after that i rushed on to kimage students service to get my hair tidied up! mm. it's not any shorter haha (yay!).

my schedule was pretty tight, so i was rushing everywhere. after that i got PUNKED. BY MY OWN PRISCH TEACHER. WHAT THEEEE! haha.he smsed me to say that he cried because i wasn't at northland today. i was thick, so i bought it and i ran all the way to his house (which was at sembawang, and it was 8pm after a long day!) to deliver my letter to him! T_T and so, kelvin got PUNKED. sylvia guessed it right, after all. damn it.

butbut, i did manage to see a CG! i was walking to the mrt from my teacher's house, and poof! a girl overtook me out of the blue. shall not comment any further! (:

plusplus! the names database works! (:

2005-08-29T20:34:00.000+08:00

this cute little kangaroo was chewing one of the many chunks of bread my friends and i threw at it. the wind deflected most of 'em to the nearby goats, though. ):

our very own group picture! it looks a little boy-band style, oh well.

andrew sneaked a candid shot at me, so yeah, i resemble an idiot, more than usual anyway. here, you can study how i really look like a monkae from certain angles...

hoho, a cooler picture, 'cause you can't see my face. (: i'm the guy on the left anyway, and we were all getting in plain view of that marvelous stretch of beach... <<3

jump the plank, matey!

more a (e.)monkae than an ape though. (:

most kawaii picture for the end! nice black swans! (:

2005-08-28T19:49:00.000+08:00

back from aus!!! and i'm tired. and i feel really stupid, but not half as stupid as my sis though. x.x -evilcackle i spent 45 minutes yesterday night sitting at the table spamming the com button, but multiply that by five, and you'll get an idea of how much time my sis spent. and i'd just decided to dismantle the shell to check the start button, so hey presto, i'm here! (: advice courtesy of gwen (actually ivan first, then andrew from class, but i was too thick xD).

loads happened in perth, but i'm tired! i've actually tried to write daily diary entries during that six days i was away. time flew, and i had to leave perth just when i was about to get accustomed to the temperature. ): perth was boring! it was late winter there or something, so 1830hrs looked like 2000hrs there, not to mention that the city centre was practically empty from 1800hrs onwards.

friday was cool though, lots of shopping! <3>.< friday night is the night to hang out there, it's packed with alot alot of young people (finally, some life). the pubs looked like fun, just music and dance disco style. plus, there are ALOT of good-looking people there! whO0. particularly the fellow asians. i saw this group that was almost surely singaporean!! (should have tried taking a picture with them, damn) anyway, yeah, that demolished my self-esteem to an all-time low.

things were boring today, not much happened. it would have been fun to be at competition this time round though. the score judging seems abit odd to me. all the same, i was going home and i saw... the CG who lives a floor below me! -kowtow she was walking a small curly-haired, white-ish dog back to the flat, and whoops, we were in the same lift again! (: actually i realised she doesn't look that pretty, but i don't really care. she made my day!! (:

2005-08-20T09:27:00.000+08:00

ahhh hand-over! i've been deposed of chairmanship! yeahhh, that feels better, somehow. i hope that we sec 4s will still get together regularly... x.x there wasn't much of a celebration, but i'm really proud of my gift for weixiang. i got him the 'pledge of duty' (self-proclaimed, it's actually this cute green glob of cotton), and it works like this -- if he ever needs help, he will approach us sec 4s and produce the 'pledge of duty', and we will be summoned to his aid without qualms! (much like the imperial eddict and stuff) in return, he got me a padlock. ._.

anyway the sec 4s celebrated at fish & co. at jurong point. ryan the 'human relations operative' was there too, heh. i guess the food was great, the dinner was great, except zhexi had trouble with his swordfish collar dish. x.x after that we split, but we managed to sneak into zhexi's house for the night! (thank you zhexi!) and we uh, played and talked crap. i didn't know that wushucentral has so many great videos! and i don't know why, but zhexi ended up sleeping on the floor beside the com, so i was sleeping across two chairs that propped up my upper torso, leaving my legs dangling. i fell asleep anyway, but this morning i couldn't feel my right leg. i seriously couldn't really control it at all, it was all numb.

this is the last entry before i head for aus! alright, let's hope everything goes smoothly. i haven't packed, ah.

2005-08-18T22:19:00.000+08:00

whoo! two good news to celebrate today. yes, i've just scored another victory against this lazy com and here i am, blogging! with each day i succeed to switch on my com, i feel more confident of technology. -pats trusty cpu-

i've just gotten myself a pair of aasics! i'm glad that i didn't screw up on selecting my future companion (to my foot). this time, my sis wasn't there to give me her sagely advice. and she was positively cheering when she saw the new shoes! so, i have a decent taste after all. maybe i'll start buying clothes on my own. x.x (please do not be mistaken, i am not a loser. i repeat, i am NOT a loser)

by the way, i was serious about calling my soul-slayer 'Eat-This!'. look, people usually say something cool when they summon their soul-slayers, like ABARAI RENIJ <3 'Howl, Zabimaru!'. so, when i call out 'Eat-This' i shall say, 'Open your mouth, Eat-This!' if i can, i'll draw it's shikai...

2005-08-15T22:28:00.000+08:00

thank you all for your insights into uh... going insane. here's another definition! i realise that each time i switch off my computer at the end of the day... it might actually be the last time i'll see it functioning again. )': take today as an example. i had to sit by the computer table, revising for the physics test tomorrow.... with one hand constantly jamming at the power-up button of the com. well, i'm happy that after about forty minutes it actually fired up, and i'm enjoying blogspot and msn again. -kowtow-

nothing special today, just that i'd just gotten back my chem results. hell, it's a B4. )): i studied for it! well, that makes my projected msg... 2.40~ i will need my EOYs. yeah, and i'll work for that one. i know my problem now, i think i lack: 1) proper/efficient technique for studying and 2) proper technique for answering questions. i guess that's how i'd flunk geog, too. ):

my mum was trying to find the papayas in the fridge, and it actually took her two days. is that even possible? xD well.

2005-08-14T22:31:00.000+08:00

i really hope i'll be in the position to blog at this time tomorrow. i don't know when this stupid machine feels like working, and when it doesn't. anyway, i think i've got some bad blood with mechanical stuff. even the fan in my room doesn't work, and i cut myself trying to fix that, heh. i confess that i kicked it at some point. :( somehow i feel really bad about that, but i guess the first step to losing one's insanity is... seeing a room fan as a sentient being? o.0

2005-08-10T03:04:00.000+08:00

bleach songs! <3

they're cool. i guess, i must thank weixin (and yuanguang) for the bleach, else i wouldn't even know of its existence. anyway, knowing the meaning of the lyrics makes these songs even nicer. <33

BLEACH! (still downloading epi26. it's the missing link until 31, sigh)

2005-08-09T16:50:00.000+08:00

knowledge is a double-edged sword. insensitive sods! heh. anyway, CHEE YANG ROCKS! (kelvin li was impressed, too!) and he got the hci people going. no, i don't think it's just a 4G thing. (:

that which blocks your ears is worthless fear. the enemy is one, you are one, what is there to fear? cast off your fear! look forward! go forward! never stand still. retreat, and you will age. hesitate, and you will die. shout, my name is...

yeah, i hear you. ZANGETSU!!!!!

bleach !!!! <3

2005-08-07T13:27:00.000+08:00

can anime make you sad...? kuchiki rukia...

2005-08-07T01:31:00.000+08:00

please don't watch seven swords! x.x

2005-08-06T13:29:00.000+08:00

kuchiki rukia! ((:

i love bleachhh! <3 but how come everyone gets super powers? :/ hibiscus shield! ahhh, the downloading is killing me. ))): i'm only at bleach 14!

2005-08-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

boo math was saddenning ): anyway, i think i'll have a B3 for math this term. my first confirmed B3, damn. i don't think my geog did well either.... i'm banking on my english. this goes on indefinitely, i'm getting tired.

i wish, everyone could just talk to me properly. i do appreciate honesty and i guess, they just don't know how goddamn obvious they are when the talk goes in circles. in more cases than one. this entire thing is killing me, does it ever end!! i hate it even when i want it. but... i don't think even the other sec4s will bother to be transparent to me... of course if it endows onto them some perverse pleasure of being in knowledge of something i don't know about. maybe i'm just getting paranoid. thank you, all-who-confuse-me.

i'm thinking what she will say to her, and what she will then think, and what will happen next. as long as it does not percolate into the group of us. not again. already as i am writing this, i feel so disgusted. stop playing already, it's not cute, it's not funny, and hell, it reminds me of something i don't want to have to talk about again.

2005-08-05T01:38:00.000+08:00

BLEACCCHH!!!!!!! <3

-kowtow!

2005-08-04T18:55:00.000+08:00

happy birthday weiqi! (:

2005-08-03T20:21:00.000+08:00

i was locked out of home today. ):

i was reading this letter that was dated 13th june, 2004. it's about this poor bloke who couldn't handle life. i don't really think he's weak, but maybe, he just looked life at a different angle -- a very very bad angle. (here, i am interrupted by my sister trying to bring the house down. you must realise that it was she who locked me out -____- damn)

the funny thing was his last words were about all the people he loved, and his kid and wife he'd left behind. i guess he's still selfish for leaving them on their own. anyway, he said that if he died, he wanted 'if i can be like that' by three doors down going out to him, so yeah. here it is.

i wonder if anyone i know ever felt like giving up, seriously. :/

2005-08-02T17:17:00.000+08:00

hoho my com is back online! i didn't even have to pray this time. (:

i saw alot of things today. i saw a CG, a lady crying at the bus stop, a man (at orchard) who started staring at me (i stared back, with vindiction >.<) and a dirty old man who didn't wash his hand. oh yeah, and i saw my wallet empty out instantly, it was really cool. i was almost robbed by this guy who wanted my last five for his mission home.

i was supposed to go to the health promotion board anyway, so i was paying four bucks for consultation. the people there are nice, but they made me take an x-ray which went for another fourteen bucks. so i burnt all the cash my mum gave me today. and the x-ray was disgusting. they made me put on this blue dress with nothing beneath but my underwear. so what the hell, i felt like a girl. and there was this scgs girl who was in the same consultation room as me, who also happened to have to get an x-ray. of course, she looked better in that stupid gown. i didn't dare to sit cause i was too used to opening my legs really wide. she was giggling when she saw me ha. omg i had to stifle my own fits, and i don't think i concealed them very well. anyway we smiled at each other! ^^ andandand she said 'thank you' twice! yes. she is a CG. -kowtow.

i wonder if lan still remembers that CG from cine lanshop. i do!

P.S. BLEACH ON SCREEN!!! <<<3

2005-07-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

yesterday saw the sec4s in hciwushu vying to be @$$holes o.0 oh well, if you could only be a piece of sh!t or an @$$hole i guess the latter would be better. after all, sh!t comes out of an @$$hole. mm. wise insights.

taichi fan is alright! but i don't really get the basics, which i'm more interested in... i'm sleepy, but it's a long day ahead. chug-a-chug-a-chug-a-chugchug. toot-tooooooot.

P.S. ouch. that hurt. and please, that's below the belt lor.

2005-07-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

oh man. shi hong brought a FHM to school ha. and i'm blogging with tancheewee's (silent) consent o.0 am very tired, i don't want to go training today! T_T fans and sissy dancing ain't my cup of tea.

i wonder who went to publish our own jokes. oh well, it wasn't supposed to be spreading like this, so i'll apologise here. dohh.

2005-07-28T20:20:00.000+08:00

i regret to announce that i (along with all fellow sec4s) will be dancing like dames tomorrow, holding fans like sissies. boo.

2005-07-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

boo. i don't like the idea that the sec3s don't have a single clue on what they want to do, or what to expect after taking over. they are absolutely not ready. we need to do lots of stuff! uh, i've actually forgotten most of the stuff we said today, so i'm hoping zhiyang took the minutes dutifully. except, maybe, the testimonial thing. i think, it's brilliant. ((:

2005-07-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

mechwarrior! jedi academy! i've got some l1gh+54b3r 5k1ll y0. wait a minute, that sounds familiar.

i wonder what that sms was for. unintentional, perhaps?

2005-07-24T00:54:00.000+08:00

i was right. nothing really turned out the way i thought it would.

i'm wondering why i've become the very person i had detested at the beginning. do i carry things overboard all the time? oh well. i'm really glad i'm actually able to contact janice and wan ching! (:

wushu display was crazy! china team is O.O (although i know that's probably not even provincial standard). the drunken jian! and the changquan! and the jiti dao! and the double bian! and there was this pair of pros doing wushi. very very well done.

tsetsetse. our very own wushu trance 2006! hahaha. featuring the human jukebox (and tansiuching).

2005-07-23T13:16:00.000+08:00

there are these times when i feel like talking to a person, when i want to really engage them, but i don't know how. i start saying the wrong things. like now. i don't want to look like someone whom i'm not. but then, i don't really know how to react and behave in front of them. things are pretty tensed-up i think. and i don't know what to say to the people at westspring... but of course, there's always the performance to talk about... ):

2005-07-23T00:11:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling loads better. i'm thankful that things turned for the better. i really appreciate the concern. i guess everyone has their small ways for showing that. zhi yang called, and i guess i'll try my best to alleviate the tension between me and the rest of the guys. i'm hoping tomorrow turns out well.

mm i wonder what happened at the interviews. i've heard that weixiang might not be running for captainship after all. whatever the case, i guess the sec4s will make sure the team is in good hands. zhiyang is right, the time of the sec4s is ending, and everyone wants the end of office to be something memorable. i guess that's why i planned the drama, and that's why it meant so much to me. all the same, i'm happy that the drama had bounded the sec4s closer, for one another, and for the rest of westspring/hwachong to see. we will persevere to better days. perhaps we will meet again next year.

i wonder if i'll see weixin, gwen, siying or e.monkae tomorrow... i'd be looking forward to it heh. it'll be a nice break. i hope tomorrow turns out okay too.

happy birthday xiaoting!

2005-07-22T11:08:00.000+08:00

i remember trying to crack my ribs when i did a cechuaidie and landing with my elbow just below my torso, just a week ago. i remember feeling alot more carefree too. and well, today that injury hasn't recovered. my breath pains me, and my thoughts hurt me more. oh well. i need something, but i guess i just don't know whats good for me. i'm lost.

2005-07-21T18:02:00.000+08:00

i couldn't take it. i just cried. i didn't know who to talk to. i don't know why it mattered so much to me. junhong and the rest are just content without me around. i just feel so left out. i never wanted to leave the guys. i felt hurt when everyone was all part of praises and the commendations and the fun and achievement, and they just forgot me. they just forgot about me. i only wanted to do our stuff together.

i thought about jonathan rubbing on me being left out of the entire performance. i thought about ms. ye asking me why i wasn't part of it. i thought about how easily they forgot about me. i thought about all the things i did for this to work. i just wanted to be part of it.

i didn't know it mattered so much.

P.S. looking at the photos farhana sent me. it just hurt more. it would have been so nice to be part of it.

2005-07-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

i was looking back at my previous posts.

i still remember the counter girl. and zhexi's birthday ha. ainan, li bin, zhexi and i were playing dota in the ezone at cine. i wonder if zhexi remembers. we were giving each other stupid badges ha. and the chalet last year, when we stayed up all night to watch the sunrise at the jetty. those were the times man.

they had left a performance slot for the west spring dude and not for me. i mean, i'm inclined to see it very blatantly, starkly -- they couldn't have considered how i'd feel.

i die slowly into the quiet of the night. suffocating, but sedated. my existence fading into a whirl of emptiness and numbness. i try to feel, but touch only the thorns, and the nostalgic fabric of our memories. i struggle, with that inner demon, and with the devilry they play unto me. i lament, even as i sense imminent perils. i shall endure.

neutralised

2005-07-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

i feel so left out, and i wanna tell everyone that they're so selfishly oblivious, that i don't want to miss anything. but i can't. i can't say a thing, and i feel so bad when i think about it. they are doing so fine without me, all the deliberate carelessness about the entire thing, the hyped discussions of new ideas, the passing jokes that pointedly reminded each other of the stuff they shared without me. and i feel so cheated. i am left aside, with nothing more than a cheap, sympathetic comment. i don't really need that, but what i do need, i dare not say. i can't believe, they left me out of everything. they forgot about me. this is probably the last wushu performance that they will really put into. i feel so cheated.

i cover for everyone, but, where's my cover? i don't know where i fit in. i feel bad.

all that anger, it's all turned to sadness now. i have been continually cheated out of my pillars of solace. i feel weak.

2005-07-18T20:11:00.000+08:00

school was okay. grr english. i'm damn scared for my languages! apparently i'm screwing up all there is to screw, and i'd better do something about my chinese. mm. history SBQ on wed, and i don't have time to study :(

haha but right now i'm having fun watching mum over the webcam thingy. haha shes busyyy. its past 8pm and shes not done yet. oh well. her office's very very boring. very boringgg. ha.

it's been very humiliating. i bought the stuff which came out to be $6.80, and i realised i barely had 5 bucks to piece together. ohh well. i have to collect it on wed. and i wonder if it will go with the green toy thingy. oohh i just hope it's ready by the 23rd!

i'm wondering, are 70% of the good-looking people around here ahbengs and ahlians?

2005-07-18T00:43:00.000+08:00

"How Sinful Are You?"

Kelvin, you're more sinful than the average person.

And it's affecting your life in ways you might not realize. For one thing, if you aren't careful, your drive to excel at all costs may ultimately be your downfall. Feeling good about your successes might be a gratifying way to acknowledge your work and position in life. Still, you, in particular, should beware of prioritizing your achievements above other things and using them as a way to feel superior to others. If you continue to do so, you might find yourself jeopardizing the things that are most important to you.

boo ):

2005-07-17T00:03:00.000+08:00

remember the titans! <3

i still remember. (:

2005-07-15T21:37:00.000+08:00

haha loads of funny shit happened today. i just can't seem to remember them all. and i talked to theodore.

i guess i'm assertive, and pushy. but i guess i'm forced to do that. i can't really help it if no one wants to talk it out, but maybe in order for something to happen, someone has to be the bad guy to snap them into line, and i happen to be him. they might understand, they might not, it doesn't matter, because the rift is alws there. it happens with some other people too. i'm trying to make the best out of it, but it doesn't help if i'm always having to be the one doing the talking. if i don't push, we wouldn't even gotten till now. maybe we would have been bored out of our pants with another crappy taolu performance.

ah, that amksec guy was seriously loud. and he was beside me. he was shouting 'baichi' at hjs friends from inside the bus, thinking they could hear him. 30 seconds later he tripped over his feet and almost fell while getting off. oh well.

boo strat sucks. we are definitely losing if we dont have our picks. cow321 is well, -.-. support omni is stupid i'd rather be lion.

2005-07-14T21:40:00.000+08:00

i loathe that feeling! of inferiority, of jealousy, and of anger. oooh sinful, sinful. heh. actually i don't get touched by that anymore. i just tend to degrade myself in front of other people. god knows why i do that.

mm. maybe its the kind of feeling you get when you put yourself high up there, and everyone is looking at you, and it almost always feels as though, they are already waiting for you to fall. and when you do, you hit the bottom, cold and hard as it is. no doubt.

when you put yourself down and lower expectations of yourself, you feel put down; you have been judged and determined to be 'not capable of...'. which sucks just as well. haha actually. my back is almost fully recovered. i'm improving on my jumps now. just that i lost my physical and vertical-jump. am training now, too. been feeling improvements. but its not enough. i want to be better than before. i want to overtake. QIE!!!

next year. next year. right now my studies call. haha. anyway, i seriously need my <2.00msg this term. bio 36.5/50 phy 38/50. not exactly nice, and math is gonna be roadkill. boo.

hopefully, next year i'll see the same guys in wushu too. assuming i get into hc, and that i choose wushu as cca ha. oh well. good night world.

2005-07-13T23:13:00.000+08:00

i started the drama project and didn't include myself in it. now, i realise that i'm not so noble. silly me.

i want to be there on saturday too, i guess its the only way i'm doing any stuff, i've done so much, yet so little. what a raw deal... what a raw deal.

cool
gwen stefani

it's hard to remember how it felt before
now I found the love of my life...
passes things get more comfortable
everything is going right

and after all the obstacles
it's good to see you now with someone else
and it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
after all that we've been through
i know we're cool

we used to think it was impossible
now you call me by my new last name
memories seem like so long ago
time always kills the pain

remember Harbor Boulevard
the dreaming days where the mess was made
look how all the kids have grown
we have changed but we're still the same
after all that we've been through
i know we're cool

and I'll be happy for you
if you can be happy for me
circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
so far from where we've been
i know we're cool

P.S. i've made my own emoticon! e.star has a new challenger to her supremacy! x.x

2005-07-12T22:06:00.000+08:00

boo~ math test is imba! i think we all got owned. ): and i didn't get A1 for bio. ): A2, and physics only a borderline A1. i don't know how i'm gonna pull a >2.00 msg this term. mm. hell, i ma try till i die. enough said.

NKF IS SUCH A ********. wtffff. their stupid chairman went to install a gold-plated tap in a toilet there or something, splurging 900 odd bucks on it. what the hell man, and its reported they have a bit more than 200 million in their coffers, so they can prolly survive without anymore phoney nkf charities for another 40 years. and worst of all, they don't even fully subsidise treatments for their patients, the turtleheads. i ask you, what other purpose are these organisations left to serve besides leeching from unwitting citizens who burn their pockets to support needy diabetics? seriously, even if one continued with their donations to nkf, there is definitely no gurantee the money would go into helping the poor dudes living on dialysis. man, suck on it you incorrigible, inhumane, bloodthirsty morons.

no more donations. no moreeeee. (and what happened to renci charity on chnl u! poor renci.) grrr. the wonders of a corporate, capitalist world. no corruption. heh. not on paper, at least. i'm guessing the nkf chairman earned every single bloody dollar of his SGD600,000 annual salary. great man, he is. boo ya.

2005-07-11T22:17:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so flustered. :/ have loads on my plate now.

math test
english panel
english compre
zhuowen
two chinese commontests
chinese sanxia test
proj day
wushu stuff (racial harmony performances and whatever else)

oh well. i feel more organised now (: i realise i CAN still write after all, but it was the unholy dead feeling that got into me. i couldn't write if i didn't really believe in it.

today was funny! ms. yeo decided to hear some lame jokes (bad, bad decision haha) from us, and she ended up laughing so hard we didn't really have a lesson after that at all. haha. ms yeo is nice (: makes me feel sorry that i postponed my zhuowen test till now ): ng soo ngee was being a bitch. she was pulling fake accent and that contorted face (which reminds me of ho kok kiat, bless him) and she sounded like a cross-bred british/german and with an ugly face to match. actually, more like an ugly expression.

handed in my mrp. i should get a 5mark penalty for exceeding word limit, if i'm lucky. boo :(

i'm sorry.

2005-07-11T00:17:00.000+08:00

i just spent the whole day doing mrp. i realised, the day passes almost as quickly as if i were gaming. oh well. i don't know why i took so long. like 11hours -.- for about 4000 words. thats like, 400 words an hour, which is like, booooooooo. ):

at this point, i think i need a break more than ever heh. math test, and english sq to do!. why do i sound like a damned no-lifer. mm.

i don't really know whether i can afford the perth trip. i have to tell mr.tan. :/ boo.

2005-07-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

i'm sad. i'm really really sad.

i thought that, if i could show them i really meant it, and i really put my heart to it, they could accept me. i thought that, if i opened up to them, i trusted them, they could put that same faith in me too. i thought that, someone would care. but it seems like no one needs me.

if only there were someone who reminded me that there's someone i should hold up to, and never let down. keep me believing. i don't think i'm hateful. i think that maybe, i talk too much. and that maybe, you don't really understand me. perhaps some God in heaven may know my mettle, but he doesn't share his consciousness with you.

i would have so many things to say. if only i knew you were listening, if only i knew you cared, if only i knew you trusted me with no poison of doubt. i would tell you, don't talk about her, don't push it, don't hurt me.

i'm still trying. i want to be able to make it better for them. i still love everyone! happy birthday to you jun hong! (:

P.S. i guess i'm feeling so down cuz... maybe tonight was the break that i was looking forward to all week.

2005-07-07T22:23:00.000+08:00

my sis just started blogging again! and she's actually using her friendster account! that's gonna be some fun (:

oh and today this stupid sec3/sec2 was running around the canteen with an uncapped bottle of lemon tea. he bumped onto me and i got a faceful of it. -.- and wilson got an entire front, so i count myself lucky. :\ damn those pesky lower sec people. xD yeaaa.

i was at woodlands library at 6pm! all the way till about 8pm in fact. with pot in my bag, and wishing i brought all those library books to return. :/ mechwarriorrrrr. which brings me to this, if you're reading this, go find a book 'man and boy'. READ IT. it's really nice. it talks about all the stuff that's sweet, and how it goes wrong, but how the good guys get shattered over and over but still stick to being nice, cool dudes who still pick up the pieces after themselves. it's quite sad and happy all at the same time. heh.

AND I SAW JINXUAN AND ZHIWEI AT LIB. AT 7PM! what a coincidence (:

2005-07-05T21:14:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling quite glum again. i've been studying physics during the weekend and my physics' still gonna screw up. ): i'm thinking its the lack of sleep from mugging my mrp. rotten luck. i've tried alr, but i guess i'm paying for all the time i stalled work. and proj day will be a goner. our batch of seedlings got whooped by fungi, and were ruined alr. we're gonna plant the next batch tomorrow i think, i hope i can at least help abit.

but honestly, i don't think i should take hell for everything that goes wrong! :/ why don't them wushu peeps cut some slack for me? here i am, trying to push for a real performance where we can make it for what we want it to be. i want everyone to be happy about a performance for once. i guess it worked. everyone chipped, but since i started this idea, it seems everyone is out for my neck everytime something threatens to break. i don't see support. but hell, the least i could expect would be some empathy. i don't dump anyone with work, i don't expect to wash my hands off and someone will take it over, but at least understand that i'm doing it for our batch. something to get us together.

but apparently, even with my efforts to keep the thing going, there are stuff i cannot control. its bad enough for me to skin myself in front of jiaolian to ask about the choreography, again giving jiaolian another reason to think i'm a fucked chairperson, so i don't think it mattered to me, but i don't like it when zhiyang and theodore just rubbed it on for me. perfect. i was trying to get it done, and i don't see a similar attempt to rally the sec4s by anyone, i only see people with 'i thought you would' written on their goddamn faces. and of course, it doesn't take only this matter to diss me.

theodore once played me into walking for 30minutes under the sun carrying props, and he didn't even apologise, and he told me i should understand that he was pissed too. and now, he doesn't even support me, and i don't see how he could have contributed to what i was trying to do with the sec4s if he didn't have your oh-so-important-wuzong-standard duilian. man, you have your priorities screwed tight up your ass. you had it wrong. AND YOU DON'T EVEN SEE. fuck man. so put me down man. you go dude. you've been so nice.

i really hate to lapse back into anger and shit. it puts me through the bitterness again, and i don't want to load it on the people i talk to. so i shall msg theodore, and then call this case to a rest.

i want my wushu skills back.

2005-07-03T00:24:00.000+08:00

just came back from a movie! war of the worlds.

the movie is really fine. but it was so very very scary. err. okay maybe it's cause of the time, but my nerves were shot man. the entire thing was pretty gross, and i was sitting in the third row so i got a neckache. war of the worlds is nice, but man, it's quite bloody ._. the machines looked so meannnn, and steven spielberg is so hard on all of us watching it. ):

heh. and i'm thinking we've just got our very own drama up. ha how fun. i'm the.... narrator >.<

i haven't finished math assignment leh. zhe can lend me txtbook? i collect from you in the noon or sth. and i need to start on mrp nowww. i shouldn't be using the com. :/

ughhh. wtf, why am i so damn suay? she had to be thr today. she was JUST NICE there i guess. damnnnn.

2005-07-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

it feels real cool to have a pen-pal! never tried writing to anyone before. mm. x.x anyway i don't really feel good. or i didn't anyway. my computer went bonkers on me again, and i'm hoping it won't leave me for good. :/ and it turns out that the checkup thingy was like, 05dgrees left thoraic hump and 06 dgrees sth hump on the right. damn, it seems a little more substantial than i thought! x.x

but then, i'm feeling better now already! because my computer just revived! ^^ i can do my paper now (:

anyway just had my bio paper! am worried sick. i want to do well, but i didn't finish the paper. oh well. which reminds me of what zhi yang said, about how our body reacts when we see a chiobu walking past. uh, the hormones and nerve impulses and stuff. heh.

boo. i'm worried about the team, i'm wondering about how all the other people are doing. and i'm wondering, mmm. about loads of stuff i guess. theres always stuff i want to say. but then it just doesn't feel right to say, or sometimes, i just forget it before i can type it out. (: whattt a scatterbrain. heh. well, i'm sorry heh.

have a nice weekend!

2005-06-28T23:05:00.000+08:00

i don't know whyy! but i'm feeling a bit sad. always a little bit sad.

maybe it's cause the morning madness show's gone. :\ but i think... it's because i'm trying so hard, but it's not working. i try to clear out that pile of work, but it just gets higher. and stupid things like, when people misplace my notes and i can't study, just spells more trouble. i wish i wouldn't be shortchanged for all my sweat for once. ):

and i went for a health checkup in school, and they say my back is getting more mutated. 03dgrees more crooked to be precise. i don't want to lose wushu. ): and i just tried to train today. it was really bad, i couldn't control my back movements at all. theodore reckons it's only temporary. shall start with sit-ups. i don't want to lose wushu. ):

and i cut my hair. aww, that unholy dead feeling, it's catching up on me again. i feel a little depressed. someone save me. ):

2005-06-27T22:03:00.000+08:00

somehow i feel so lost without the computer! it went crazy for a few days, and now its back. im so happy, cause the taggie's flooded x.x hey thanks to y'all dudes and dudettes. you made my day!! (though its near the end of it anyway)

mm let me see what happened for the past few days.

i studied a whole day at woodlands library last saturday, and bumped into yingtang who was doing the same. how convenient heh. then there was a cip performance with viriya on sunday morning. it wasn't good, i was pissed off ): and later i went for a movie with ivan hongxiang kathy and some of her girlfriends. INITIAL.D IS A MUST-WATCH. WATCHHH. WATCHHHH. and daytona after initial.d feels really good (: and im sorry kathy ._.

today was fine! i just had a haircut, and it wasn't good :/ but i realised i miss all the people i know heh. my tagboard reminded me. ._. oh well. i hope everyone has a good term ahead! yay, computer's working again!! ^^

2005-06-21T09:40:00.000+08:00

let us all burn. in hate, in deceit, whatever. there're so many roads to hell. take your pick.

2005-06-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

ooh today was so fun!!! x.x to think i woke up feeling so grouchy, maybe i misread my stars hee. i went for this camp thingy at west spring sec, and i feel guilty that i had thought it would be crap ha.

mm. lets see. the seven of us hciwushu guys had six westspring ppl to settle. namely kenneth, chunho, weijie, mingzhi, lydia and uh jiahao! we spent like an hour (in vain) trying to teach 'em wushu. anyway after that they were pulled out by their teacher and we were left to play sepak tekraw (: man its so different from chapteh! and uh i just realised i really don't mind hanging around malay dudes at all! ^^

anyway later ainan weixiang and i had to teach the six kids the drums! we died, but i think i got a kick from teaching those ppl. haha they were cute la. its amazing how fast they can zone out. and they were making a helluva din with the drums. but still, i had a great time hee. damn it was nice to meet those people after all, plus farhana and janice. still can't believe i'm actually talking to the westspring people after such a long time.

but i really don't understand what's wrong with me/the world. how many times was i being thick without noticing it? sometimes, i feel like i'm a clown, putting myself out on the line. ohh well. i'm just damned confused at the myriad of possible interpretations that can come out of a conversation. by the way i don't block people! ): not unless they ask for it on msn. do i really say stupid things all the time! )):

oh well. my journey home was so crapp. i was stinking so badly! zhexi was being nice about it haha. but oooh, at least she wasn't close enough to smell me. ): she was with a butch (i think. that ones so damn confused with her/his sexuality that i don't even know either.) standing by the door on the other side. it was really really crowded, but i don't know i just saw her (: andand gosh, her eyes.... got me. so uh i was throwing repeated glances at her, and poor zhexi didnt know i'd bet! hee. she was BEHIND you dude. hah no eye candy for you booya! andand ah, she caught me at one of my flashing glances >.< so she became aware of my existence tooooo! andand, she looked at me loads too! i mean, i could feel her eyes on me for arnd two or three seconds! *is high* oh man, i can't take it... i ma faintttt. heh. i'm rambling, but man, she is so, so, so cute. and she lives in yio chu kang. LUCKY ZHEXI. DAMN YU.

i feel like i've done some grave wrong. i think... i suck. but she looked at me once..! no, twice! nono, uh i think at least four times! damnn i feel better now. so much for cheap thrill. does the acronym CG mean anything to you guys out there!

2005-06-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

grrr.

sometimes its so hard to control myself. i mean, i dont understand what people are getting at, and it just gets me on. i stupid and dont understand much, only that people can get suckered real badly when they get honest with others. but hiding all the thoughts and pent-up emotions simply decomposes me, i can't live with this.

i dont want to be ________ anymore. when will i relinquish this burden? and when will my back heal? i'm thinking it can't be simple. it hasn't been healing much, and its been at least a month since i stopped. i can feel my body degenerate, and that feeling is simply demoralising.

oh well. how i wish i were brave enough. but it seems everyone im talking to has lots of stuff on their plates. its a long semester ahead, best wishes to the lovables and everyone out there! what the hell, that 'lovables' thingy was actually part of the template but never mind.

2005-06-18T17:37:00.000+08:00

the investiture was beyond all my expections. i expected it to be some kind of ceremony, small but still sacred to some extent, and formal at least. it turned out WEIRD. but it's still a lot of fun! i was abit warped for the whole day, i mean, i'd only just gotten out of bed at 1230hrs...

the emcees were terrible ha. i mean, the guy emcee. he was totally lengchang la, maybe he's got some kinda stage fright or something. and the tea-serving ceremony was so kawaii! i mean there were bloopers everywhere haha, so everyone was cracking up. though yinchu didn't really pull off his speech proper, i totally agree with his philosophy. i'm actually looking forward to his term in the committee. have this feeling something will happen with them leading at the helm. and the vicechairperson was really eloquent o.0 super speech. i wish i could talk like that.

the day-maker was the skit haha. it was so corny la. every part of it was lame/kawaii/corny and everyone laughed anyway, so i guess it was a success. at the final battle between the sects, commentator of the fight was making weird moaning sounds continually man. i don't understand how the guys at hc can manage to go crazy like this in front of their own coach, nycoach, and so many other people. wow.

2005-06-18T02:16:00.000+08:00

i'm talking with dun yang on battle.net right now. i think we are both crazy, because battle.net doesn't really support any chat. but anyway, it was good to talk to him la, we were talking alot about wushu. yup. like 1am in the morning we were still going on tough. still am in fact.

i'm still feeling guilty leh. shit. i lost ____. i think i should sms ____ now. at least she can't reply now and uh, maybe the impact will be softened. sigh, i'm really sorry...

i'm wondering what will happen tomorrow. shao wants me to dabao lunch for him later, before we head off for investiture. i'm really beat.. i want to sleep. oh uh, i heard some other schools will be there too. sheesh... i think i'll fall asleep there. but i wonder how ____ will react... ): i'm sorry.

oooh no.

2005-06-17T18:29:00.000+08:00

shit. i'm done for. i've lost it. ____'ll kill me. i've been digging for ~~30mins~~ ~~about an hour~~ 80mins alr. nothing. oh man. i think my sis incinerated it or something. oh man. ohhhh man.

[EDIT]

it's gone. my sis has just told me the news. i'm sorry. ):

2005-06-17T00:36:00.000+08:00

as i'm thinking about all the stuff that has happened to my family this instant, i'm plagued with the same curse. i am hateful, filled with anger, toward him and the complete injustice. the hate and anger, its all overwhelming me. i lose control. i lose myself. its consuming me.

i hate him. i hate what he did to my family. i hate what they did to my family.

i'm so guilty. i'm guilty of so many angry and hateful thoughts. i don't want it to be me. i never wished to hate anyone. it's so much easier to antagonise someone to direct all the pain and suffering that i have to go through. all these things that he does, its drawing me further into the hate and anger. i can't control myself. i condemn him, but more and more, i see myself as a reflection of his mistakes. i don't want to be a loser, a weakling like him. i don't want to.

i have learnt empathy and compassion from what i've been through. i've known devastation, and i used to try so hard to bring comfort and warmth to others. i used to be so ... uncorrupt. i feel tainted now, as if hate was driving my life. i motivated myself with negative intentions. now i realise it doesn't work. pride is vanity. the more i hold on to being aggressive and protective of my reputation or whatsoever, the more it will work against me. i feel so vile and defiled, sometimes i just wish i could revert all the things back to the times when... i'm not sure really, but times when i was had more happiness.
i realise that, all the distance that i feel with my friends, with zhexi, with glen and joseph and the rest, they were all illusions. really, it was me who was changing and mutating, i was the one who was putting distance away from them. i have become more selfish.

i feel that i owe an apology to many of the friends that i know. for not being there, for not being understanding and for being distrusting. i trust my judgments of strengths and weaknesses in other people, so much that i become critcial, and also hypocritical in my ways. i oversee my own weaknesses. my own weaknesses which have been mostly blatantly played through the course of this year. i really want to be a part of the lives of my friends i hold dear. because, though i may not show it, they matter to me, and i just wish to be released from the past unkindness i have done. i want to start anew and try to be nice to the people i care for.

so many things have gone wrong this year, and i really really hope that things will take a turn. i love all the people around me, i just wish that i wouldn't have to lose them gradually, and lose them for good. i just want to be a better person. i don't want to fall into the same footsteps as him. i really don't. i'm scared that it will have been too late for me to realise this. i want my friends back. and i'm scared i have already lost them. i'm so sorry, i have been an idiot. :(

this is my confession. i swear that the words i have written are true.

you guys are always on my mind, and i luv you people.

2005-06-15T22:07:00.000+08:00

yay! i studied today!!! ^^ man, you can't feel my pride, but i'm shining alr! ha. but yea, what a long, tiring day.... and its helluva real fun! hee. my friends made my day! and i love that feeling. (:

mr.&mrs.smith is NICE! ha i don't know how, but i could see meaning in that movie. i was thinking, hmm thats how much can be caused by the things that we don't say to each other. there were so many times where things coulda softened if they did, but well, i guess people are always so stuck-up. like me. :(

and someone was evilll. dumped ge wei and i into couple seats. sheeesh haha. if theres one thing i learnt from today it would be about kiddy palace. its huge. and maybe, they should stop selling stuff thats suggestive. (: and damn, it was real hard trying to mug beside a bunch of them playing crazy games on the laptop. haha couldn't resist, joined 'em instead.

thanks for today! and nice to meet you, ge wei! (if hes seeing this) andand, look, more PoT!!!! woOh0o~~ thanks man. argh sorry for being so thick... it was such an awkward moment. andand... i forgot the title of the songs already... ._.

its been some time since i felt more real than/ reborn from all the melancholy i'm brooding in. its like.. the time i went out with my prisch best fren! ^^ but i do realise i've changed.aww i really hate myself/this. i feel so damn superficial/helpless/clueless/stupid. i want to be real. i want to be someone.

2005-06-14T01:05:00.000+08:00

WHATS YOUR LUCKY NUMBER?

Kelvin, your lucky number is number Two!

"Best Friends Forever," Number 2. As the Helper, you probably got more BFFs in your yearbook than most. Everyone thinks you're just the bee's knees. And why wouldn't they? You always buy the thoughtful gifts, complete with wrapping paper and maybe that cute kitten card that says, "Hang in there." But what it should really say is "I want love, too... and presents...and cards with kittens." Sometimes you try to be too much to too many people, yet you want to maintain separate groups. Yes, you Type 2s get a little high on the fumes of your own popularity, and when you start to come down it can be quite the bummer. Possessiveness, dependency, jealousy, and that's just before breakfast. You're at your finest when your motives are pure. Ahhhh, you feel that? That's the soft touch of unconditional love. And that's what you and famous 2s, Bill Cosby, Pavarotti, and Ann Landers do best.

web.tickle.com

2005-06-12T19:53:00.000+08:00

alright playtime's over, its time to start something. 's gonna be hardd, but i ma try before the end comes.

EDIT: 0201hrs

i feel a little suicidal ha. not in the violent way, but rather lost from inside, lost in direction... simply lost. there's so many ways life could have turned out... the myriad of possiblities makes me think that i'm missing out on so much. i dont know where to start, and im scared i never will. theres decisions to be made, so many things that have to change. i seem to be always tired.

sometimes it just feels better to just let it go on myself. just feel sad and think all the sad sad thoughts to myself. but thats when i feel so alone. sigh. the mbti test says i'm a moderate extrovert, i draw energy from without. and im a moderately feeling, percieving person. which means i empathise alot and i am more perceptive to emotions, and i use my feelings and instincts to make decisions.

ENFP
EXTROVERT
INTUITIVE
FEELING
PERCIEVING

bullshit. firstly, i like to think with details. i like to work out plans in my head to get out of trouble, to solve problems. even though sometimes i know it probably wont work, i just feel alot more secure having a next step to go onto. it's an escape, but its still s'emi-efficient. i still work for it. and secondly, i HATE being an extrovert. i'm a sucker for trying to be social, which stinks. i don't like having to morph myself into some kind of perma-cheerful idiot all the time.

it's still affecting me. the memory haunts me, and i lose it again. i lapse into that void again. i feel crushed again. i feel angry again. and i get sad again. i don't know why it had to come back again.

but no. if anyone thinks i'd just sit here and fret about it, don't be daft. this is so crappy.

2005-06-11T19:45:00.000+08:00

DEFENCE OF THE ANCIENTS WCG ROUND ONE: 1MBA vs MYRMIDON

it was such a crappy game. WCG SUCKSSS. our team got owned by connection. mind you, it wasn't even an internet connection. we were owning the myrmidons until err.... we lost two of our five players to technical errors. what the hell. we weren't even playing our best, and we were still kicking asses, thanks to our strat.

1MBA

seIene as TECHIES
he was never a mistake in our team heh. early game tide-turner for the team, hes supposed to reap the first blood in the game. and being a slacky hero (techies) he was our strat commander too. but i think he had a bad early game, which materialised into a less formidable mid game for us. he lacked the support to suicide-kill the scourge side.

kcwl as MORPHLING & bAi.gbjs as CENTAUR WARCHIEF
they are the team. they are 1mba. undefeatable. they are everything the strategy called for. and the duo was better today as they reacted correspondingly to each other and abused the blink-stun tactic pretty early on. but i guess they were not ready, still, to mould their strat to counter the myrmidon strat. yihong was right, the nukes should come as a storm to clear them in a single stun duration. omniknight's heal proved very very pesky.

azurefroz as CRYSTAL MAIDEN
ehhh. thats me. seriously my early game was screwed. i was stupid. omniknight was in my lane, and he was the perfect counter for my nukes. the lane set-up couldn't have been better for the myrmidons. stupid omniknight denied me at least three kills, one of each was himself heh. but anyway i still wreaked some havoc and they got owned. but it disrupted my cash flow as i had loads of micro to stick with. sigh. other than that i thought i was okay. but then i was seriously suppressed by the strategy. T_T i hate being the support hero that i usually am. but apparently i make a decent job out of it. ^^

adyang as GORGON
okay he was our late game weapon. the silent force that would totally win the game for us when we proceed to late game. but firstly due to the stupid lane arrangement again, his early game was full of micromovement that amounted to nothing -.- and i think he built his gorgon wrongly, so he was farming quite slowly... sigh. and to top it off, he didn't really respond well as the counter to omniknight. the pesky repel still kicked my ass. sigh.

okay so mainly, our team strat was quite rigid. admittedly, we did not respond well to facing their strat, which we have never done. our early game is characteristically bad, apart from our techies. but again we were too conservative to harass them, and in the end we paid the price -.- i think we especially screwed up in whacking their support heroes, so they were ready for us most of the time. we didn't play to the best of our abilities cause of pressure and shit, but we would still win in the end. period. centaur-morphling strat is h4xx0rZ and 1mba, it will prevail. besides we were whipping their heroes like hell, though they out-pushed our towers. heck, the sentinels were owning la, liek the sound effects proclaimed. BUT BUT BUT, STUPID WCG HAD TO DISCONNECT TWO OF OUR PLAYERS. namely, CENTAUR and MORPHLING. so what the hell, they were THE strategy for us, and they were gone. and they refused to rematch. so yea it was a gonner. DAMN WCG SINGAPORE. j00 5uCk!

2005-06-11T04:03:00.000+08:00

i wonder if i will be affected by the lack of sleep!! WCG in 7 hours! man i'm not banking on the team to win anything, but it'll be a kick whoop some team ass. our team is quite unstable anyway, methinks.

ohh yea went out with sis for a late night movie. monster-in-law again, because nothing fits the slot. its not a lost cause tho! she loved it, so one more support for monster-in-law! ^^ got a nice tee from thirty-seven-dgr!!! yea it rocks. comfy and funky!

decent conclusion to a bad day. dad was drinking again, but this time he was a smarter asshole that he was a few nights ago. so no problem. a decent conclusion to a crappy day. haha.

2005-06-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

ah every day is beginning to feel the same to me now. something like a monotone? i'm a hermit, or will be in due time T.T but things were really brightening up! i mean god knows why i've been such a bastard to everyone online, bitching a hell lot. i'm learning to take things easy, and i think i would be feeling better if not for _____. haha i dont think anyone takes me seriously, but i try to be as genuine online as i am in person (which means i'm feeling surreal most of the time). doesn't make sense, but that means i do reflect my mood in how i behave online. and i've been getting lots of mood swings.

everything felt so much more real today! i went to invigilate training in the morning. man training seems so much more palatable and FUN (!!!!!) without me taking the helm! i guess maybe i bring too much stress into training. hai. i'm wondering how much i would have enjoyed training if i didn't assume any comm roles. but all the same i've noticed everyones improving!!! ^^ and zhexi just 'qie'-ed me.... T.T and i can't do nothing about it. haha. must ketchup soon!

i dont trust my parents anymore. my mum still has an edge to a psychological disorder sometimes, and my dad... well, he devastated me again. i dont know how whats going to happen. he threatened me, and he used all the vulgarities at me, dialect and english and shit. aww fuck him i'm not scared because of that. hell i told him to fuck off in his face, and i returned the favour. and i said alot of nasty things that coulda hurt him. i don't care. but if even the little bit of family that i have breaks, i don't know what i'm going to do.

but hey i just want to say my thanks here, to all the nice-guys i know, cause they remind me of how disgusting i am when i flip out, and they teach me to be nice to everyone. i'm still learning, and i'm scared, with all these going on in my life. i'm scared, i dont want to angst, i dont want to change anymore, i just want to be plain old cheery me. like i was a long time ago.

and to you, ____, i have nothing nice to say. i don't want to spite you here, its not fair to you. but yes you've just screwed me over again. you don't get it do you? i'm living in the shadows of your memory, and it hurts big time. leave me alone, and i'm serious. the only reason why i bothered to waste time talking in circles is to shield you from more pain, but apparently you like it don't you? or i guess you wouldn't hve called me for your serious talk. to me it had ended when i said so, right there at the competition period. now that you dont take me seriously, i have to live through it twice over. no no don't talk about how i should get on with my life. just leave me alone. i don't want to think about it. i don't want to think about you. if you finally got my point anyway, its just too late. i'm not going to take no more shit. i hate angsting, i hate punching walls and shit, but i relived it again today. i may be weak-minded, but no i will not give a shit anymore. leave me alone. leave me alone. leave me alone. leave me alone.